I feel like I’m being thrown down every time I get up… tossed around like a rag doll just fighting to get some air. It’s like being pummeled by waves. I’m immediately brought back a child hood memory of being at the beach as a kid. I was in the water playing and having a fun time… until all of a sudden I’m crushed by a giant wave. It threw me down hard against the packed sand and beat my body up pretty good. I was hurt and all I wanted was to get out and back up to the surface. I struggled for what felt like forever… using all my strength to try and get back to the surface for that breath of air. It felt like an eternity at the time… I swallowed so much water. Finally I made it. Beat up… out of breath… spitting and coughing, but I made it.
Today (Monday) kind of feels like that. Typical… I wake up feeling energized and motivated. It’ll be a “Fresh New Start”. I have my mental list of what I need to do to feel accomplished this week… and then just like that something happens and send me into a metal tail spin… paralyzed. This time I learned a client decided to go with another contractor instead of me. It sucks… feels shitty… fuck! What do I do. My initial way of dealing with this is to worry and stress. I have these internal conversations of affirmation… “everything is going to be okay… things always have a way of working out.” These only get me so far and then I’m stuck… I can’t focus… or thing clearly. Well, here I am in the thick of it. I know I’ll get through the day… I’ve done it before like I always do. – SP